Maybe when we find the balance between letting the world change us (or letting events shape who we really are, or believing that God has it all under control) and charging through life creating our own reality and making our own luck (good or bad), that’s when we find All For The Best.

---

The words say, "It's not easy being green," but the song is about knowing who you are. And in it you hear Jim's message most clearly. He believed that people are good and that they want to do their best and that not matter how or why we might be different from anybody else, we should learn to love who we are and be proud of it.

~Ray Charles

I think, in writing about this quote, I'm going to write about who I am, as presented on my LJ information page. If I feel very industrious (and am quite bored, which is doubtful), I'll write about my interests.

It's all about me:

Woman.
Well, when you divide up the human race, the first thing you do is point to gender. Female. I like being female, though being male sometimes seems easier. I'm very much ruled by my emotions, and sometimes that is unpleasant. I'd like to feel more logical, more confident about what I have to offer at work or in the world in general. I know what I offer my family, my children, my friends, my partner -- that part's easy. I've only recently begun enjoying being "girly" at all -- stereotypically girly, I should say. Shoes, jewelry, cosmetics, etc. I have some seriously pain-in-the-ass (though not at all life threatening...I guess they are lifestyle-threatening at most) health issues that relate to being female, and I've had about enough of that. But otherwise, I'm okay with it.

Mother.
I have two daughters who are wonderful. Of course they are wonderful, what else would they be? I've (as I said earlier) made my share of mistakes, but for the most part, I think I'm pretty damn good at this parenting thing. I also like having female children, because (as stated above), I am female. I've been a teenage girl, and a ten-year-old girl and a girl on her way to college, etc. I think that helps.

Writer.
I write technical and marketing documents for a global corporation. They pay me well, and it's something I have been happy enough doing for the past eight or so years. I don't love it, though I love the department and most people I work with. I also write this sort of thing. Nothing special, just stuff about me or people I care about. I write speeches, or I used to. Maybe I will again.

Chicagoan.
I live in the western suburbs of Chicago . I like it just fine. I don't love it. I have family here to whom I need to be close. My children have family here as well, and making sure they are close to their other families is important to me. I don't like the weather here, but I make do every winter. I'm not really a Chicagoan; I just put that on my info page so folks would have a general idea about where I live. My Seattle boyfriend knows his way around the city better than I do.

Sunday School teacher.
I have taught first grade Sunday School for 11 years. Same time, same class, and once I got going, same lessons. I have had many partners helping me teach, but for the past handful of years, Donna and I have done pretty well together. I love teaching Sunday School. I love the lessons we make sure we include (forgiveness, church leaders, prayer, all the Easter stories and lessons, all the Christmas stories and lessons, helping others, teaching others, the Lord's Prayer, and on and on). And I love that age -- just learning to read, a bit more comfortable in a school setting, and eager to please. They know how to behave in class, but they don't ask the difficult religious questions, at least not yet. I have burned out on a lot of volunteer situations in my adult life, but this one never bores me, never burns me out. I love it.

Youth group volunteer.
Right now my involvement with the church youth group is limited to teaching confirmation class to my small group of 8th grade girls, and being an Adult Figure at the 5th-6th grade weekly youth event called Midweek. At Midweek, the games and devotions are planned and run by the HSers, so the three of us adults are just there as adult presences in case someone has to call 911 or something. Occasionally we make announcements or lead prayer but mostly we just supervise and set out the snacks. I'm not feeling really "called" to do either of these things, but they need me, and I made a commitment. Next year will just be Midweek.

Single parent.
You know, it's difficult, but I have a LOT of help. My mother is nearby, my kids go on visitation every other weekend, and now that they are older they are just as helpful as anyone could wish. If I could go back and do things differently, I would, but not many.

Toastmaster.
Last year I earned my DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster) title, the highest level of achievement that this global public speaking organization recognizes. I'm very very proud of that accomplishment, but my life has dictated that my time is best spent elsewhere. I'm still a member of Toastmasters, though an inactive one. I'm reasonably sure I'll become active again at some point, but I have Big Plans for the next decade, and those come first.

Friend.
MyLocalBarb and my cousin Laura are my best friends, but SeattleBarb comes awfully close. Katie is a good friend, too, and I could just go on and on, but I oughtn't.

Daughter.
My parents divorced when I was about 9 or so. Both remarried, and my father is still married to my stepmother -- 23 years this month! My mother is not married now but is in a long-term relationship. She lives two minutes from me and watches my younger daughter every day after school. That is the LEAST of what she has done for me throughout the course of my adult life. My father as well -- where I'd be without them, I have no idea, and don't want to know.

Sister.
Phil is my brother. He lives in the city and I like him just fine. He's actually smart and funny. He's moving in with his girlfriend/fiancee/whatever this year, and I'm pressuring him to produce some nieces and nephews for me. Preferably nieces. They don't generally pee all over when you change their diapers.

Cousin.
I have several cousins, and if I'm not close enough to consider them friends, I'm at least aware of them and their families and their lives to some extent. I know this isn't the case with everyone, so I consider myself lucky. Laura is one of my closest friends, and is also my cousin. I consider at least two of my other cousins to be friends as well, related or not. They span the country, and several are in Germany . One of them just got married to a woman from South America . I love that my WASP family is now filled with people from almost every area of the world.

Girlfriend of Charles.
I already do some swooning about Charles, but I'll be specific right now: This weekend Chuck came with me to RandyCon, a small gaming convention near Chicago . He knew nobody (I only know a few, and a few others just marginally), and yet he arranged a weekend visit complete with hotel reservation, and joined the Settlers of Catan tournament. I think he enjoyed it (he said he did), but in any case, he came with me, and it meant a lot to me.

Linguist.
It's been nine years, but in grad school I studied English linguistics (specifically, I studied Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages, but that really means linguistics with some TESOL stuff instead of literature). I loved it, though I never used it once I landed my current job (an MA in English meant something to them; the linguistics specifically, they could care less). I don't think I can consider myself a linguist anymore, but it's a nice thought.

German-speaker.
Growing up, I heard a lot of German being spoken by my mother on the phone or by relatives in Germany or visiting us, and I knew some songs and phrases, but I never spoke it. I studied German in high school and while learned a lot, I blew off a lot of classes as well, and ended up failing. In college I took the language up again, figured out what I had been doing wrong, and decided that I loved it. I got my BA in German Language and Literature. I don't speak it much lately, so I'm far from fluent, but I still love it.

PsychoPlannerChick.
A psycho planner chick is me. I'm doing it now, for a trip to Las Vegas with Charles. The trip isn't even until the end of March and already I've been trying to find out where the best creme brulee in Vegas is. That's what I do. We make plans to do stuff, and I psychoplan it to the Nth power. This is mostly a Good Thing. I like planning trips and events and parties and holidays. It takes the burden off of Chuck to have to do it, and I often thrive on it. Though sometimes I start planning too early :P.

Poet.
Ok, I'm not a poet. There is a poem I wrote in Wanderlust, and I have written some poetry, including some that I am very proud of. But I'm not a poet, not really. I haven't written poetry in years. Maybe I will someday, but if I never do, that's okay, too.

Singer.
Ok, I'm not a singer, either. I do sing karaoke, and I do okay. I don't get booed. :P I like singing. I sing in my car all the time, and sometimes my kids sing with me. When they were little they loved when I sang to them or with them. As they get older, eh, not so much, but every once in a while. I wrote a short blurb on this topic which is in 365 Ways to Connect with Your Kids by Charlene Baumbich.

Liberal.
I like to think I'm liberal in general, not just politically. I think I'm generous with my time and affection. And I like a liberal amount of frosting on my cake. Is that enough?

Speech-writer.
I think I covered this under Toastmaster. Though every time I teach Sunday School, I'm giving a seat-of-my-pants speech.

Reader.
I don't have nearly as much time to read as I'd like. I could manage my time better I suppose, in order to do this, but I just don't seem to do that, do I? I am doing the Fifty Books in 2006 challenge So far I've read eight books.

List-maker.
Right now I have a LOT of lists going. Let's count them.
My planner. Two lists at work, not counting electronic project list. Big list on my computer. A grocery list in the kitchen. Three lists just jotted down on my desk in front of me. Random post it notes. I think I have a problem.

Lyric-poster.
I used to have a tendency to post song lyrics in my LJ and on the bbs. I still do it sometimes. I don't know why. I don't know why it matters.

Wishful-thinker.
Charles and I met online (on a no-longer-used bbs), and before we met in person, he sent me Valentine's Day flowers with a card that says, "Here's to wishful thinking. Love, C". I still have the card.

Blessing-counter.
I don't have a big house or new car or a lot of money or a glamourous life, but I'm very very lucky, and sometimes I need to remind myself of that.

Wannabe Seattlite.
With the exception of six months in California and three months in Germany (while married to a soldier), I have lived in the Chicago area my whole life. I have family and friends and work and church here. But I don't love it. Seattle , even apart from the people I have there now, I could love. And even now, living in Chicago , I like having a favorite store or restaurant or whatever, in Seattle .

---

I don't know exactly where ideas come from, but when I'm working well ideas just appear. I've heard other people say similar things -- so it's one of the ways I know there's help and guidance out there. It's just a matter of our figuring out how to receive the ideas or information that are waiting to be heard.

~Jim

I'm not a creative person -- I don't draw or paint or make music or do creative writing or sew or even cook. I do rubber stamping (greeting cards, not scrapbooking) as a crafty sort of hobby, but I use ideas that I see in book or catalogs or other people's cards. I write some, but nonfiction (hi). I don't come up with new ideas at work, and I don't even come up with my own Sunday School crafts. :)

This is not meant to sound like it's me coming down on myself for not being creative. I'm fine with it. I leave that stuff to those who do it well, and thrive on it, and are called to do it.

One thing I'm good at is explaining things to children; it's part of the reason I have stuck with teaching first grade Sunday School all this time. I sometimes wonder if I should have studied elementary education in college. I think I'd be good at it, but it just didn't feel like the right fit for me at the time. Maybe it will be someday; maybe not.

I do appreciate creativity in others, though. I have drawings and painting and music and books created by people I know, and I love having that sort of thing in my home. It makes me happy.

In any case, I do believe that creativity is a gift. Sure, you can learn to paint or whatever, but there is a difference between skill and talent, and talent you can't learn.

I still need that guidance, though, and I believe I know where it comes from. And even though I don't need it for creative guidance, it comes to me in whatever form I need -- decisions, plans, the right words, a firm grip on my emotions, a sign. Something so I know that there is guidance out there.

---

Listening is the first step and the last step.

~Cantus Fraggle


How many times have you been in a conversation with someone and you are sort of hearing what they are saying, but then something triggers you to have a response and now you are no longer listening, you are just waiting for that moment when you can jump in and say your piece without being impolite?

Or how many times have you been in a discussion with someone only to have them respond in a way that tells you they have no idea what you have just said?

I remember in grade school learning about how hearing is a physical event -- sound goes into your ear, through the bones, blah blah, and into your brain -- but listening is a conscious act...a choice, even. You can hear all the sounds around you, but until you stop and listen, you have no idea what's going on.

In the same way, you can see everything around you, but until you really look -- make a conscious effort to know what is there in front of you -- you will miss a lot.

I read about a saying that goes "So busy looking you forgot to see" which I guess makes sense as well -- you can be so interested in finding out what is going on in your world, or everyone else's, that you miss out on something that might be right there in front of you.

I'm almost concerned about doing this sort of thing myself next month when Charles and I go to Las Vegas . I'm so excited about it -- I've been researching restaurants and shows and trying to make sure we see and do the things that we Must See And Do while we are there. But I want to make sure that while I am looking at all of the exciting sights and people and places, that I remember why we are there and who I am there with. It will be our 2nd anniversary (r'ship, not marriage), and while I want to see everything I can see in the city, I also want to celebrate what is right in front of me.

---

Jim was a dreamer...but he was pragmatic enough to make the dream happen. He was just absolutely determined to do that. There were certainly elements of both. But a dreamer was what he really was.

~Jerry Juhl

That's a pretty good combination -- the dreams and also the vision to make them come true. What does that mean, though? "But a dreamer was what he really was." I hate to sound like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, but aren't we all dreamers?

Well, okay, I read women's magazines and in all of them, they list women who make their dreams come true. Dream job, dream home, dream family, whatever.

And yeah, I had a dream house all designed when I was a kid, a teenager. Hell, I had a dream house designed when I was married. We weren't at the architect stage yet, but yeah, we had the plans chosen. Dream house. And now I live in a wonderful, small, colorful house which I love, though we are outgrowing it. This is very nearly my dream house, because I've made it so. The girls love it too, and it will be hard to move when we do, which we will at some point. Most likely when my mother starts to show signs that she needs to stop living alone, though that could be ten years from now.

Dream family -- well, I don't think I know what that even looks like. Husband, two kids, dog? Ugh. No dog. Two kids works for me, and I think I've always thought of myself as having two kids -- I came from a family of two kids, and so did both of my parents. And I had two kids -- both girls, though my family and my parents' families were all made up of one of each. I love having daughters, though; the idea of raising a boy scares me, partly because I have never been a boy, you know? I can relate to my daughters, at least to some extent.

Dream job? My first dream job, I swear, was to be somebody's mom. So I guess I've found my dream job. :) Then I decided to be a stewardess (that's what they called 'em back then), and then a teacher (check), then a videotape editor, then a teacher, then a writer, then oh I don't even know. I'm a writer now, but a technical writer (read: boring), and while I don't love it, I do have great days sometimes, and I love the place and the people, so I count my blessings.

Now I dream about the mundane things. A great night out. A happy relationship. Good, happy, healthy kids. A clean-ish house. A job, just still having my job after the Massive Layoffs last month. On-time flights. Stuff like that.

---

Over the years, television has produced a few individuals blessed with the ability to touch our hearts, our minds, and our lives with their vision. It's not so much that these special people march to a different drummer, but that they carry their own orchestras around with them in their heads. And when we allow them to play their tunes, the sound reverberates for generations. They make us think and they make us laugh.

~Candice Bergen

I'm not a big fan of Candice Bergen and maybe that is why this quote strikes me as sort of silly. I don't like the idea that television is filled with special people who can change our lives. We should be finding those people in the real world, not the television, the movies, the internet.

But we do find them there anyway. I mean even just taking away the news and the after school specials and the PSAs that teach us something real or real-ish about the real world or the real-ish world, the TV and movies and music and internet is still where we get our info, our entertainment source, our way to connect over lunch/the watercooler/whatever. And while there is some Really Good Stuff out there, [insert my favorite comedy shows/movies that make me happy/songs that bring back great memories], there's a lot of crap out there, too. But you knew that.

So, what do I say here? Do I talk about how we need to monitor what our kids are looking at, listening to, reading online? Sure, we need to do that to some extent, blah blah, we hear that everywhere, we know it's true, to some extent.

But still, I want them (my kids, whoever) to find that stuff -- those people who make them laugh and make them think -- out there among their friends and teachers and parents and all that.

I went dancing last night -- my friend's husband is in a band called The Only Sons, and I go see them as often as I can, and I enjoy it every time. Last night my friend Barb went with me, and we had a great time. And the great time came from the people we interacted with, the dancing, and the laughter. It was all fueled by music, though, and nothing bad can be said about that, you know? Not really, though I know there is some angry and violent and whatever music out there, this wasn't it. And it was live. Does that matter? I doubt it. Maybe, though. If I sat at home, listening to the exact same songs played the exact same way, and danced to them, well, it wouldn't have been the same.

---

A List of Good Things About Being a Frog

Being green
Sitting in the sun on a lily pad
Having thousands of brothers and sisters
Going to the hop
Playing leapfrog
Having bears and pigs and dogs and chickens as your friends
Getting kissed by princesses hoping to turn you into a handsome prince

~Kermit

My mother has a puppy. I am not a dog person. I'm not even much of an animal person, though I do understand why people are. So now that my mother has a puppy, which is actually my daughters' puppy, well, that means there is a puppy in my life.

I've never understood how folks can compare having a pet -- even a lifelong pet -- to having a child, but whatever. To each his own.

So, with those things in mind, I've decided to make two lists. A list of good things about having a dog, and a list of good things about having children. I imagine they will be very very different.

A list of good things about having a dog
Dogs love you unconditionally.
Dogs will never need braces.
Dogs will never need college tuition.
Dogs don't bring home notes from school asking for money for this or that.
Dogs will eat what you put in front of them.
Dogs are cuddly and cute.

I guess I could go on like this but most of these things seem to be things that aren't the most positive about having kids. A dog will never come home crying over not making the basketball team. Yeah, okay.

A list of good things about having a child, skipping the obvious cute, unconditional love, a part of you stuff
Watching your child with her friends.
Watching your child with her sister.
Watching your child with her father, grandmother, your SO, anyone who loves and cares about your child.
Listening to your child pray.
Praying with your child and watching her tear up.
Hearing your child's friends call you "Mrs. Katie's Mom"
When your oldest child comes to you with Something Serious, filled with pain but also trust in you.
Seeing your youngest child in the newspaper for something she is proud of.
Hearing compliments about your children, either from your cynical father or from strangers who have no reason to say those things other than they are true.

And I could go on like this, too, but I won't. The list would never end.
I admit that I am happy today that I have a day with no kids -- I can catch up on writing and laundry and reading. But still.

That list.

---

Simple is Good.

~Jim

I like simple. I'm tempted to leave my writing at that: I like simple, and keep it just as simple as the quote, but that wouldn't really do the job. I feel like my life is complicated. I know it isn't, really. I have a full time job, two children (and a lot of help raising them), a weekly Sunday School class, a weekly Confirmation Class group, a weekly 5th/6th grade youth group, a serious long distance relationship, a social life, and a house.

 

Add to that whatever mini-crises show up in my life -- illness, arguments, family issues, travel problems, etc. And the never-ending chaos that comes with raising a teenager and a pre-teen who have different fathers and therefore different visitation plans/vacation plans/family events. And my boyfriend's mother's problems, and my brother's upcoming wedding (simple, yes, he is following Jim's advice, but it's still a WEDDING of sorts...a new marriage in the family), and financial decisions to be made, and and and.

Yeah, I know, what's so different about me? Everyone's got all this stuff going on, I'm not the only single working mother in the world, and further, I choose to do all this volunteer stuff, so what am I whining for?

Eh, I don't think I'm whining actually. I'm just getting burned out on some of it. Some days I swear I'll never get on another plane to Seattle again. It's just too much of a pain in the ass. And other days, I'm just as excited to be on my way to the airport, bags packed, ready to start another great weekend, and looking forward to others.

Some days I really dread Wednesday's Confirmation Class -- the lectures are boring (if I'm bored, what must the teenagers be thinking?), the church is chilly, the year is almost over (no class during Lent), etc. But then again, it's almost Lent! There will be something meaningful coming into our Wednesdays, into our church year! And the retreat last weekend -- everyone's lives were touched by those two days, there's no denying it.

Where would I simplify, if I could? In 18 months or so, I'd like to go back to school -- wouldn't that simplify things? Instead of Confirmation and Midweek youth group twice a week, I'd be in class instead. So instead of that list above, I'd be dealing with a full time job, two children (and a lot of help raising them), a weekly Sunday School class, a serious long distance relationship, a social life, a house, and a doctoral program!?!?. Simple, right? Who am I kidding?

---

When I hear the art of puppetry discussed, I often feel frustrated in that it's one of those pure things that somehow becomes much less interesting when it is overdiscussed or analyzed. I feel it does what it does and even is a bit weakened if you know what it is doing. At its best, it is talking to a deeper part of you, and if you know that it's doing that, or you become aware of it, you lessen the ability to go straight in. Fairy tales certainly are in this category, as is a lot of fantasy -- maybe everything is.

~Jim

I'm not exactly sure what Jim Henson means here, but I have an idea.

If he means that puppetry should remain a mysterious thing, and nobody should really realize that it's a PUPPET for cryingoutloud! and the viewers should suspend disbelief and just accept the fact that these characters are talking and doing stuff and are part of the world, well, I get that.

It's magic. It's the kind of magic that I see in art and music -- and I don't mean that in a cultured, studied sort of way. I mean that because I don't have those talents (artistic talent, musical talent, puppetry even), so when I see someone using those talents and doing something wonderful with them -- anything from figure skating to a live band to a quick sketch that actually looks like what was intended -- it's just magic to me. Beautiful magic that I have the pleasure to watch and be a part of in that way.

And perhaps if I learned how to play an instrument or draw or whatever, it would take some of the magic away for me. Maybe, I don't know. I would hope not, but I think it just might. I think this is the same sort of thing that I mean when I say "suspend disbelief" about a movie -- just go with it, don't worry about whether or not this or that is realistic or believable. Does it need to be? In some movies I guess so, but in others, just let go and enjoy and don't worry about how it was made or was that a stunt double or how did they do that...just enjoy it.

I wonder if there is anything in my life that I do, that seems like no big deal to me because I do it every day and it's part of me...but that someone else looks at as magic. Teaching first graders about God? Raising kids? Having a long distance relationship? I don't know, I don't do much that's out of the ordinary, but ordinary is relative. Sometimes the stuff I do feels like magic, and like nobody but me could do it. So it's a good thing I do, and that everyone else believes in magic.

---

If just one person believes in you
Deep enough and strong enough
Believes in you hard enough and long enough
Before you knew it, someone else would think
"If he can do it, I can do it"
Making it two. Two whole people who believe in you.
And maybe even you can believe in you too.

~Robin and the Muppet Gang

I think this might be the text to a song from the Muppet Show or something, but I'm not familiar with it. I like the words though; I think they are important.

I know I have a lot of people who believe in me -- my parents, kids, friends, other family members, SO. They trust me and know me and believe that I'll do what I say I'm going to do, and I know that what they say to me, about me, is true.

I had a little conversation with a six-year-old friend of mine last weekend. She was having trouble believing that she is cute or smart or anything good. I know that she is validated at home, and that she is told regularly that she is smart and cute (she is very much both of those things). But then there are these boys at school, you know the ones, right? The ones who tell her that she is not, in fact, any of those things.

And of course, everyone's fear is that she will believe those boys, those rotten boys who don't know her at all, and are only trying to be cool, to be bullies, to get attention, whatever. But if she starts to believe them, what's next? Will she believe the (rotten) boy in Junior High School who tells her that she's a loser? Will she believe that (even more rotten) boy in High School who tells her that if she loved him, she would? Will she believe the (in the loosest sense of the word)(oh, yeah, and rotten) man in college who somehow convinces her that [insert activity here] will be even more fun after she has a few drinks? Will she believe the (again) man she's involved with after college who convinces her that he's the only man who will love her like he loves her so she should marry him and close her eyes to his faults, blah blah crap crap crap?

No, her family is far too well aware of this phenomenon to let it happen without a fight, that's for sure, but the fear is still there. And how do you teach a six-year-old not to believe the words of some rotten kid who doesn't know her? Who doesn't believe in her? And what does that mean, exactly?

Why do these writings end up with more questions than answers?

---

As I try to zero in on what's important for the Muppets, I think it's a sense of innocence, naivete -- you know, the experience of a simple person meeting life. Even the most worldly of our characters is innocent. Our villains are innocent, really. And it's that innocence that I think is the connection to the audience.

~Jim

Would that this could be true of everything, eh? There's always that fine line, though, with kids (and I keep thinking of the whole parenting/kids thing because, well, it's the Muppets, right?), a fine line between wanting to keep them innocent and wanting to prepare them for the real world, you know? How do we do that? Let them watch the news, but make sure they never see the news in real life?

Or send them out into the world to deal with shit, so they are prepared for anything? Don't let them watch the news at all, don't teach them the truth? Teach them the hard core real omg this isn't happening truth?

I don't know. When Katie needs to have news articles about current events, I print them from cnn.com, but I choose them, knowing my daughter is going to read them. I tend to choose stuff about issues I care about -- abortion, gay rights, education. And I don't print things about Abu Graib, or other topics I fear might disturb her unnecessarily.

Does that mean I'm protecting her? Or piecing out the knowledge that I feel she needs?

There's a scene in the book The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom that I'm reminded of. Corrie is a child, maybe 10 years old, and riding the train with her father into Amsterdam . On the ride, she asks him about "sex-sin" -- she knew that "sex" meant whether you were a boy or a girl, and "sin" was disobeying God, but what did they mean when said together?

Her father set down his bag, crammed full of watch and clock parts, tools and springs and equipment. He asked the child to carry it for him. Corrie couldn't lift it a bit. He explained to her that it was simply too heavy, and it would be a poor father who expected her to carry it when it was so very heavy. Someday she'd be able to carry it, but for now, he would.

And it was the same, he said, with knowledge. Some things were just too heavy for children to know, and it was best for her to allow her father to carry that knowledge until she was old enough and strong enough to carry that knowledge herself.

I believe that.

I just have trouble, as a parent, knowing when they are truly old enough and strong enough for the knowledge that I carry for them.

---

I see Jim's life as a very Zen kind of thing. I never heard him say rude or bad things about other people. He lived, I think, by example. To show other people how to be by who you are.

~Jerry Nelson

I don't want this to turn into a writing project about Jim Henson's life. I like the Muppets just fine but I wouldn't say I'm a fan. If I had to choose, however, I'd choose Sesame Street over The Muppet Show, though I dig those two old men who sit up in the box and criticize everything. I think I liked them less when I was young.

That's a tangent. I'm not writing about Jim or his life, but about what all of these quotes about him can say about us. Or me. And why him? Well, mainly because I got this book for Christmas and the idea struck me. The timing was good. And folks like him and what he's done. he's a good guy, I guess. Even if you aren't a Muppet fan, I doubt that many folks have anything bad to say about him.

Which leads me back to this quote.

My life is not perfect. I do stupid shit. I make mistakes. Okay, yeah, everyone does, blah blah. Okay, so the point is that I do want to be an example. I want my life to be an example. Ok, not all of my life. Not the really stupid shit from Way Back Then. Now? Sure. I'm comfortable with my life, my decisions, and how I spend my time. I have nothing to hide, and I have confidence in my ability to make relatively wise choices.

I don't know about the Zen thing. I don't know exactly what that means, though I am interested in learning about it, but that's another topic. Though maybe it isn't. Anyway, I say rude and bad things about people, and I don't do everything right and I don't want my kids/students/friends to do the same sorts of things I did at their ages (especially my kids), and I am not exactly sure what people see when they look at who I am.

And I'm feeling drawn to say something along the lines of "but if they'd known me when I was younger, when I was really stupid, and man, some of that shit was just three years ago or less..." but why? That was then, this is now, I don't want to turn this into "Why, look at me now!!" because that's just pointless.

Ok, so: Resolved, to remember to live by example. Remember I am being watched, by the two people whom I want to see succeed more than anyone. And by dozens of others at church and elsewhere. And while I'm not some huge role model for these kids, I'm sure as hell a role model for my kids and indirectly for their friends and anyone else who comes into my house.

So make it count.

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Jim inspired people to be better than they thought they could be. To be more creative, more daring, more outrageous, and ultimately more successful. And he did it all without raising his voice.

~ Bernie Brillstein

I wish I were less of a yeller. I know that sounds stupid after reading a quote about a fabulously successful, and more importantly, well-loved man who inspired others, but as I read that quote, I kind of was thinking, yeah, I would like to inspire people, but really in what way? I don't feel that I am creative, daring, outrageous, so how can I inspire others in those ways? Well, I inspire people in my own way, to do different things, I guess...and these thoughts are going through my head, and then there's that raising his voice part. Like what it really meant was, yeah, Heidi, you can do some of those things, look at all the potential your kids have, that you are teaching them to tap into, look how well they are doing, look at how much you could inspire Charles to post more, or write, or go back to school, or whatever it is he wants to do, but damn, girl. You gotta quit the yelling.

I just recently read something in a biography of Christina Onassis, which is totally unrelated, other than this: she is being told by a friend that ranting and raging at her then-husband Thierry Roussell would not get him to listen to her or bend to her ways. He's a Frenchman, and you don't get through to a Frenchman by yelling.

Ah, screw that, you really don't get through to anyone by yelling, but I just haven't internalized that fact just yet. In the short term, it gets stuff done, and my need for immediate gratification in some cases, is satisfied by that, so I stick with it. Problem is, you have to keep yelling each time, and that just gets exhausting.

So, something to think about (for me, not you, though feel free). How to inspire people (to do whatever) without yelling. Without anger and a show of frustration. Hey, why the hell not: without emotion.

:/

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We always used to kid Jim that after telling everybody "simple is good," he would turn around and try to produce the most complicated work in the world and just about wipe out all of us -- him most of all -- in the process.

~Jerry Juhl


That's me. I talk about how I want a simple life, I don't need fancy schmancy stuff, I don't need a big house, I don't want to be one of those moms who runs from errand to errand, from event to event, and I don't want to be one of those career women who runs from office to meeting with a bagel in one hand, a latte in the other, a cell phone in the other, and a calculator in the other. Or something.

And I manage to avoid a lot of Driving The Kids Around, mainly because the evening things that they are involved in, I'm also involved in, so that makes it easy. And because after school my mother is there, or somebody else's mother is driving, etc. But there is still a lot of complicated planning and calling and arranging and figuring out, which drives me batty but I guess can't be avoided if you want children who are part of the real world and not just museum pieces that nobody ever interacts with.

And I -- every once in a while -- am one of those career women grabbing 20 minutes to eat (today!) between working on a peer review document and rushing off to train a new writer on our software, grabbing an engineer to run two more documents by him, and then dashing off an email to two project managers before I forget what the engineer said. And on and on, that was my day today. Though often enough, it's more like "work on this document until it's done" stuff.

And one of these days, when my mother is living with us, I'll have a bigger house (though I love this house, and though by that time that happens my kids may well be totally out of the house on their own, but I assume I'll have grandkids and guests and nieces and nephews and if my kids are in college by then they'll come home for summers or whatever, so I'll still need more room than I have here).

And as for fancy schmancy stuff -- well, I like some of it. I'll spend 4 bucks on one lush.com bath bomb. I like nice hotels. I get my hair colored professionally. I love fresh flowers. And I rarely buy generic groceries. Does that make me a lover of fancy schmancy stuff? I sort of doubt it.

But at the same time, I guess I can't honestly say that I have a simple life, either. I guess it would be good if I did have a simple life. But this is good, too.